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speaking of bears…

December 30, 2008

i remembered a story i wanted to preserve:

 

Early summer 1995, I camped for the first time. My family was not a outdoorsy kind of group. I had just sacked my life and everything in it in Cbus and took to the road in a van to escape the most ridiculous dyke drama. My plan was to live in my van at pagan festivals.

My first stop was rural indiana, near bloomington. This was a more rural area than I had ever graced with my presence.  I arrived at the campground 4 or so days early for a festival on accident. This meant I was essentially alone in the woods for days. It was great for my soul in that time for sure, but frightening.

One lonely day I decided to walk in the gorgeous woods. Southern Indiana is not like northern, it is ridges and beautiful limestone cliffs. I strolled along a path in the woods, mind blissfully numb from the beauty of it. I was stopped dead in my tracks by a noise that could only be animal. The noise was so loud and so close

BROOOOOOIIUGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

I froze on the path. I could not move. The trail bent just a little ways ahead of me, and I couldn’t see any further. My mind raced along biology lessons and ranger rick, evaluating what possible animal could be making that noise- Bear?? Puma?? …do they even have bears in Indiana?? But what part of Indiana??

An eternity passed, and I heard nothing. I finally unfroze enough to move cautiously along the path. Slowly I came around the bend in the path. I realized I had come to the edge of the proprty, and I saw a fence.

And behind the fence…

a cow, lazily chewing cud.

BRMOOOOOUGH!!!!

(clearly not a standard issue cow, but some sort of crazed rabid Indiana cow- any schoolchild can tell you that cows say MOO and are named Bessie. This one did not make any noise that could be confused with Moo, and in fact sounded and appeared horrible, enormous and prehistorically smelly)

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