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Dear 3rd Wave feminists,

February 8, 2009

Let’s get some things straight here. I appreciate the idea that being a feminist is no longer a dirty word. That ‘regular’ women can feel free to call themselves feminists and not feel that this automatically includes them in the ‘femizazi bonerkiller’ club. But we need to talk about the definition of feminism. ‘Third wave feminism’ purports to be about choices, and a rebellion from the politically correct unshaven legs and earth shoes brand of feminism. Again, I am all for empowering women, and if you wanna wear some fab heels while you are taking over the world do it. I do think that the definition of feminism has got a bit loosey goosey here in the last couple years and I want to put you back on the right path.

1. If you don’t believe in a woman’s inherent right and competence to determine her own reproducitve schedule, you are not a feminist.
This means if you say things like – “welfare moms should be sterilized” , “”anybody that has octoplets is unfit and should have her kids taken away” “there should be a licensing process to have children”, and pretty much any variety of “there should be a law..” you aren’t a feminist. You can passionately HATE abortion and still be a feminist- you can be a feminist that works her ass off to make sure that women never have to make that choice, by adopting kids, by supporting birth control education, by supporting agencies that help birth mothers find help.. but if you harass women when they are most vulnerable, if you try to legislate women’s wombs, you may not call yourself a feminist. Period.
2. If you don’t believe women should get equal pay for equal work, you aren’t a feminist. If you believe that women, if they just pull themselves up by their bootstraps and will get treated fairly- you are semi retarded, and NOT a feminist.
3. If you don’t believe that motherhood is a feminist issue, and the ways mothers get screwed by the social security system, mommy tracks and childcare costs is ‘not your problem, cause you don’t have kids’ or not your problem ’cause you are married to a good man’ or ‘not your problem cause you are a man’ you are not a feminist or fit to live in society at all. If you believe that real feminists don’t have kids, or always put their kids in daycare so they can succeed in a mans world- you are not a feminist.
4. If you are Sarah Palin or Ann Coulter, and built your career by pandering to men, while making every effort to set women’s rights back 100 years-you are not a feminist and you are barely a human and should shoot yourself.
5. If you believe that breastfeeding is obscene, gross and shouldn’t happen in public, get a life. And you aren’t a feminist. On the other hand if your hippie ass randomly harasses women for being unable to breastfeed, you may indeed be a feminist, but you are definitely an asshole.
6. If you think you may be a feminist, but don’t want boys to be threatened by your strong opinions, you need to rethink that after you finish high school.
7. If you don’t believe that women are mentally competent to sign contracts and enter into legal arrangements on their own recognizance, and want to legally ‘protect’ them from making stupid decisions, you are not a feminist. EVEN if the decisions they choose to make are indefensible, like participating in demeaning porn, getting ginormous titty implants, or whoring out to the republican party, if you are a feminist you support their right to make that decision, even if you personally despise their choice. I am looking at you Andrea Dworkin. Freedom and equality doesn’t necessarily mean everyone makes good choices, and that you MUST support every choice. It just means that you will not attempt to limit or disempower someone elses choice.
8. If you don’t think equal rights for GLBT is your problem, because you aren’t gay- you aren’t a feminist.
9. Ditto any discrimination against any race class gender color creed or Wtfever. Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere.
10.If you are a fundamentalist CHristian, that believes in the biblical role of women, and has any kind of career talking about this on TV, or goddess forbid in government, then you are a disgusting hypocrite and you need to go home and get pregnant take your shoes off, and STFU. It’s gods will.
And you aren’t a feminist.

One Comment leave one →
  1. Teena permalink
    March 11, 2009 11:19 pm

    “…if you try to legislate women’s wombs, you may not call yourself a feminist. Period.”


    But what about (temporarily and/or reversibly) sterilizing men who are deemed unfit to breed?

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