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acme and co.

February 13, 2009

So today, I am either going to have an anvil on my head, from acme and co. or today will be better than yesterday.

1. i fell on the ice at work the other day. Not a big deal. I hurt my wrist but I am used to my wrist being hurt. But the boss made me go to the urgent care. I didn’t want to go. but because of the RA, they couldn’t tell what was broken and what was already jacked up. So they sent me for an MRI. But first I had to get head xrays to make sure my metal plate didn’t fly out.

2. SO I spent all day yesterday in the hospital between Xray and MRI. I had to hold my arm above my head for an hour and a half. My shoulder, also affected by RA now will not raise above elbow level. I got to the hospital imaging place at 1245, and didn’t get home til almost 6.

3. After this I promptly passed out in a chair and completely forgot I was supposed to go back to work.

4. So I am in big trouble.

5. Every day I am so fucking tired, I can barely keep my eyes open. Some days I do a great job, some days I can barely function.  

6.  But my insurance doesn’t cover rheumatoolgy, because it’s a preexisting condition. Which is REALLY ironic, if you know where i work.

7. So if it turns out my wrist is mostly just hurt from having RA, then workers comp won’t cover it. And then my insurance won’t cover it, because it’s a preexisting condition.

8. If I lose my job for being a stupidly inconsistent employee, I will lose my theoretical someday insurance coverage, that starts in September but I can’t afford the co pays anyway on most of the meds I need.

9. I am a stupidly inconsistent employee because I can’t fucking afford medical care for all the stupid shit that is wrong with me and a lot of times I am just tired and in pain.

10. did i mention i am now mostly typing with one hand because my left hand hurts when i move it?

11. Oh and btw I have to go to court the week after next because of student loans that I can’t pay. They want to take my shit. Good luck with that, because I have nothing.

12. Of course the only degree I have is in massotherapy. Which I can’t do cause my hands are fucked.

 13. And I can’t go back to school to do anything else because of the student loans.

14. rinse repeat 

I can’t even get a goddamn life insurance policy so I could at least kill myself and leave my kids something. That’s pathetic. Too many health problems. Well YEAH. Who needs life insurance if they aren’t going to die at some point??

Seriously my adult life has been one big clusterfuck, and as hard as I try I cannot think of anything I could have done differently, except maybe not got knocked up, to not get into this situation. WHere’s the pro life fuckers now?? Aren’t you proud of me? Look at how great it is. I love my kids more than my life, and I wouldn’t trade the decision to have them for anything, but damn. Can you imagine someone looking at this clusterfuck of a life and NOT at least being able to say they HAD that choice? Having this mess forced on them? How horrific.  

 I guess they were serious about things going on your permanent record. I guess I always thought there was a big reset button somewhere, I optimistically thought that there was no mess that couldn’t be overcome with some resoucefullness. I believed people when they said- it’s never too late.


I guess it is.

One Comment leave one →
  1. Teena permalink
    March 11, 2009 11:22 pm

    re: No. 6

    I’m crossing my fingers that Obama gets his wish and the phrase “preexisting condition” will be virtually erased from the American lexicon.

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