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March 12, 2009

I went to the doctor this morning. A new primary care physician. She was nice, and I was trying to explain my situation re: preexisting condition. This is my current catch 22- I have insurance, but it will not cover RA because it’s a preexisting condition. I have to wait a year before it’s covered. In the mean time I am sicker and sicker. My former primary care physician was an idiot whose idea of RA care was prednisone and percs. This, of course, helps the pain but does nothing to stop the disease. So here is my timeline:
1999: I finish my certificate as a massotherapist and go to work for a chiropractor.
2000: I am married, with health insurance. I have a planned baby, which we can afford, and I stay home with my children. I quit work as I get too big to reach the table. My husband finishes college, and I look forward to starting my education after our last child is in kindergarten
2001: I begin to have depression, extreme fatigue and joint pain. My doc diagnosis says postpartum.
2002: same
2003: same I must sleep whenever the kids do. Doc checks thryroid, switches my antidepressants.
2004: I get sicker and now require surgery for endometriosis because I am bleeding heavily 10 days a month. It is hoped this will help fatigue. It does a little.
2005: I am feeling a bit better so I join roller derby. My new independence and less housework does not sit well with husband and he kicks me off the health ins. without my knowledge in preparation to divorce me.

2006: Divorce. 3 days after my divorce is final, I injure my wrist during a practice. Expecting to get a cast, I walk out of the orthopedists office with a diagnosis of rheumatoid arthritis. I am stunned. He moves in another woman, and I am too sick to do anything but sign the settlement. I live off friends. I cash out my 401k to live on. My settlement requires that I am home every afternoon with the children after school- any job I get must end at 2pm. My roller derby adventure is over- I am too sick to do anything.
2007: I work as a career coach for 5 months and then get laid off just as insurance is supposed to kick in.
2008: I get a cool job at a nonprofit, and after 3 months negotiate benefits- but as RA is a preexisting condition I still cannot get treatment for that condition 1 year.
2009: I hurt the same wrist I have hurt a million times, falling in the parking lot, and crush my scaphoid and lunate bones in my wrist. It’s excruciating. I need a wrist replacement or a fusion, in the meantime its just pain 24/7
I finally see a new primary doc, that will not treat my RA and when I tell her I cannot afford to see a rheumatologist, she tells me I need to prioritize my spending. To my shame, I start crying lay into her and tell her EXACTLY how much i live on and where it goes. She actually apologizes (which has to be a first in the annals of medicine), and tells me I would be better off financially and physically on welfare and medicaid. YES, I KNOW goddammit. She can’t help me, but she’s going to make a phone call to a rheumatologist friend. So, she gives me ..more painkillers. hah.

I don’t know what to do, this is just relentlessly depressing. There is simply no fucking way to win or even stop sinking for a 35 yr old woman with a useless education, kids and a chronic health problem.

One Comment leave one →
  1. March 13, 2009 11:54 am

    I am going to beat a hopefully not dead yet horse. Ask your new lady if she will perscribe the very inexpensive meds in the Brown book. I’m told it will be painful to begin with, but you are used to that.

    Please try it honey. It really did work for the musician, and has continued to work for 20 years with no further damage.

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